Shadowboxing
I am strong, but I’m not indestructible.
I am resilient, but things get to me.
I can put up a great battle, but I have handicaps.
At this point, I think one has been found.
After 20 months of fighting, I’m tired. I’m disappointed. I’m frustrated. I don’t know what else to do. See, I’m the mother of a rape survivor. She’s nine. She’s NINE… and she’s a rap survivor. Her assaults started when she was five in the bathroom of her elementary school. Another student thought it was okay to violate my daughter repeatedly over two school years. There’s no other way to say it — these are the facts. I took my beautiful baby and dropped her off at a school where she was being RAPED. She was supposed to be safe… and I left her there to be raped. Hampton City Schools was supposed to protect her…and she was RAPED. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. This is the moment where the guilt I feel in my heart explodes and I blame myself for not knowing how to shield her from her assailant. There’s no way I could know that this would happen to her, but I still regret ever leaving her in a Hampton City School. I know I’m not omniscient, but dammit, I wish I was.
Now, I feel a conflict that I have never felt in my life and I don’t know how to process it. See, at the beginning of this battle, I played the game by their rules. I had a face-to-face conversation with Ann Stephens Cherry the day that I found out about my daughter’s assaults and when she said that Dr. Jeffrey Smith and the rest of the school administration would reach out to me to make sure Celeste was taken care of, I believed her. I gave Hampton City Schools THREE MONTHS to contact me before I retained counsel. I was quiet. I let the general counsel from Hampton City Schools, Nanci Reaves, STOMP all over any reasonable and equitable solution for my daughter. Even still, my public contact was limited. Then, I got tired of Hampton City Schools spitting in my face and I made a Facebook post. Nanci Reaves LOST HER SHIT, but for once, the illusion of progress was happening. Risk Management for the Commonwealth contacted my attorney once…but then even after contact from my lawyer, never contacted her again. Like I said, the ILLUSION of progress. Not progress itself.
So again, I was at square one. Still, I played by their rules. I spoke in front of the school board after over a year of following their processes. I was disrespected and interrupted, but I still spoke. What did that amount to? The people in positions of power — elected into their roles to protect our children — did and said nothing. They looked through me instead of looking at me. Celeste was sitting IN THE ROOM and they had no empathy for her. Morality for these people was nonexistent and they took the position of protecting my daughter’s rapist over protecting my daughter. Sadly to say, Anton Bell, the Commonwealth Attorney in Hampton, took the same position. He can hold audiences with actual criminals — offer guidance and mentorship — but it’s beyond him to make a phone call to a rape victim. An email. A message. Even a nod to the family to say “I see you” or “I care about you.” I’m saying this to say that Celeste has been universally failed — not only by the school system but by the community as a whole. The mayor of the City of Hampton says “The school board is their own entity.” The city council hasn’t reached out. The Hampton School Board has cast Celeste aside like their daily refuse. Kelly Goral, Executive Director of Public Relations and Marketing for Hampton City Schools can’t even acknowledge that Celeste was repeatedly raped — it was “two second grade students meeting in the bathroom.”
While all of this is happening, I still have a nine-year-old rape survivor’s therapy sessions to schedule. I have my own therapy sessions to schedule. I have tuition bills to pay and gas tanks to fill for the trips back and forth to Norfolk to take her to school. I process this every day — every waking moment is a reflection of the pain that I’m positive my daughter feels when she’s left to her own thoughts — the anguish never goes away. This is the last thing on Earth that I want to have in common with her.
I’m not a passive member of my community. I do my part. I participate. I’m an activist by heart. There is not a politician I align within my local area that I have not actively supported. I’ve handed out sample ballots. I’ve MADE sample ballots. I’ve registered people to vote and helped returning citizens restore their voting rights. I am saying this to say that people know who I am. Even with that, there is no support. I’ve emailed EVERY LAST MEMBER of the Virginia General Assembly about my daughter’s situation. How many people have I spoken to, you ask? One. I’ve emailed Ralph Northam, Justin Fairfax and Mark Herring. I’ve emailed Hala Ayala and Terry McAuliffe. Nothing. I’ve tweeted the Virginia Secretary of Education. Nada. With the thousands of volunteer hours I’ve put in, nobody cares.
“If you can’t help, then WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!”
I’ve reached out to major media and various other influencers. The Virginian-Pilot and The Daily Press have not covered our story. I applaud WAVY-TV and Rhoda Young for covering this, but that’s the extent of media support. I emailed Shaun King and the response was this: “And this was in Virginia? I’m so very sorry.” Yet, even with that response, I couldn’t even get a Facebook post. Even when he’s selling $150 hoodies — nine-year-olds being raped at school is an afterthought and not newsworthy. What do I have to do to get people to act? At the last school board meeting, when Ann Stephens Cherry disrespected me throughout the entire meeting, I was at my breaking point. Yes, I called her a name, but that was after 20 months of not being heard. That is after 20 months of STILL not being heard. All I want is for my community to unite and wrap themselves around my daughter. I want my community to give a shit about Celeste. I know the 750 members of www.facebook.com/groups/8forCeleste care about my baby, but 750 people is a fraction of the people that should be outraged. It’s minimalist in comparison of the people that should be up in arms about this and ready to act.
A father in Loudon County went to the school board, said his peace and told his daughter’s truth and was arrested and shamed. But that arrest created action. He did this once and people’s positions began to change. Rape is not racial, but I’m not going to sit here and believe that the response of a community to sexual assault is not clouded by racial overtones. I want to believe that people’s lack of action has nothing to do with our ethnicity, but it’s proven that when young white women and men are victims of sexual assault, the community demands action. The community demands a response. But here — a young, brilliant and special little black girl is repeatedly violated and the lack of response is deafening. Does she have to die for there to be any coverage? Is that the only time when mainstream media or the public give a shit about black children enough to give them a blurb on page 5 of the local pages or a short 15-second story on the news? While I’m typing this, my heart hurts so much. It hurts because our communities choose to not do better or be better. I’m empty of responses at this point. I’m at a loss for words.
F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “There are no second acts in American lives.” Whereas the ability to have a second act after failure absolutely exists, the statement is true. However you might recover from tragedy or disgrace, your past will always be there. Even in the most recessive of thoughts, there is always a reminder of the moments of misfortune that have occurred in your seasons of existence. I’m not saying that those things will define you — what I am saying, however, is that they never go away.
“Trauma is longitudinal.”
In your most distant moments, trauma can arise and make you revert back to a place where the panic and anxiety are palpable. What will be done for us in those moments? What will be done by the institutions whose neglect created and fanned the environment(s) for that trauma to exist? This is where I have my greatest conflict — the people who created this for my daughter don’t give a damn and the communities that can push them to act don’t give a damn either. It’s a conundrum and it hurts me to no end that this is the environment where we all exist.
I hope this will awaken a sleeping giant. I hope someone will read this and say, “I’m going to stand for Celeste.” I hope. I can only hope….
